So many ways to heal.....

And this is an actual "Mindy". It is called "Wander" and you can see why from the words she has written on the painting. I particularly love this one as painting, writing, planting flowers in my tiny garden and walking by the sea or through the countryside have, as always, played a big part in my recovery....ongoing as it may still be. Still, reminders like this one from Mindy are perfect for all of us, whatever our mood might be.

"Wander among the trees,
Feel their grace embrace you."

Wild Surrender - Mindy Lacefield

I mentioned in my last post my recent struggles with my anxiety disorder and one of the things which really made me realise I had got very low was that I lost all my interest in painting which has been one of my mainstays during the last 5 years since my last battle with cancer. It was discovering a book by the wonderful Mindy Lacefield called "Wild Surrender" which finally got me over my reluctance to get out my paintbrushes once more. Mindy's art has a strong focus on simplistic style faces and children yet which are actually quite technical to achieve. Her idea of creating "primitive portraits", ie pictures which look (and indeed are)rather unfinished really captured my interest. I absolutely love her work, it is so delightful and so appealing to me. Her books also include her poetry so on finding Wild Surrender, I knew I had found someone with whom I could creatively identify.

I have had a go at a couple of primitive portraits which I have added to this post. Just my first little exploration of Mindy's ideas but they were such a joy to paint. It was like tapping into my childhood again and as we so often read it can help those of us with emotional or mental distress to make contact with our "inner child". I think working in Mindy's way does this exactly for me and could not have come at a more perfect time for the way I have been feeling over the last few months.

Gone so long....but coming back

Well if there is anyone left following my blog I am so sorry I have been missing for so long. I have been through several months of struggling with a very tough time with my anxiety problem...Generalised Anxiety Disorder...which I have had since childhood. It has been really bad since my last post back in February but I have been working hard to try and deal with it during the last couple of months. I have reached a point now where at last my interest in painting and writing is coming back to me and although I have managed, with the help of fellow members, to keep my site Freeing Your Wings going, I am afraid everything else, including Dancing Daisies, fell by the way side.

But I am back to a place where I am beginning to paint and write and think and want to share...so thank you so much if you are still around waiting for me to add a new post. I chose this picture to go with my blog today because it just sort of says it all to me about where I have been in my head of late. The picture is one from the wonderful production of "Ashes and Snow" by Flying Elephant Productions. I love this with a great passion and every one of the stills taken from it speak to me in bucketloads. I would like to share more with you over the next couple of weeks so I hope you will enjoy them as much as I do.

This one just reminds me that we all need compassion and understanding in our lives and there are times when we just need to retreat and rest and be cared for. I am so lucky that my family and friends have done this for me ... yet again.

Anyway, it actually feeds great to be back and if you are still around, lovely to be in touch.

Finally finished....

I started these two little canvases over two months ago and put them aside when I got swept up with Christmas and then being ill afterwards, they just didn't get finished. So...I finally got my paintbrushes out again today and finished them off....or at least I think I have. I was guided by the wonderful Sharon Tomlinson on her "Darker Skintones"course(www.allnorahsart.ning.com)and they are mixed media working originally over photo transfers (the old houses in the backgrounds) then using a mix of Folk Art and Golden Acrylics. I worked over the houses with black ppencil as they were quite faint then added a tiny bit of serviette transfer to one and a couple of butterflies to the other. Finally I sealed the paintings with Golden Matte Medium which does give a smooth finish.

I am quite pleased with them as painting darker skin tones is quite a challenge. I have done them before but tried some different colours this time using Golden Red Oxide and Transparent Red Oxide which are really beautiful and silky to use. Anyway...at least I got myself back on track. I am having a go at Quirky Birds next from the lovely Tamara Laporte's Quirky Birds course (www.willowing.ning.com) then I will just go back to doing my own thing again. I still love following videos by these two talented ladies though...it is like having them in the room chatting away to me as I paint and it is really encouraging.

Need to pick up my paintbrushes again....

I can't believe I haven't painted anything yet this year. I can forgive myself to a certain extent because I was poorly for much of January but this can no longer be a reason. I miss it terribly too. How easy it is to get out of the habit of allowing myself some precious "me" time. Time indeed to change that and pick up my paintbrushes again......I need to remember the words I wrote here and allow myself to make them part of my life once more.

"Only let the moving waters calm down and the sun and moon will be reflected on the surface of your being." - Rumi

The Protector

This painting, "The Protector", is by Maria Pace-Wynter. I love the clarity of the girl's face and the real freshness of the colours. I was drawn to it as well by the little sparrow and the name of the painting. When my mum died I was walking in the dark in the middle of the night and a little sparrow jumped up on a wall beside me and sat looking at me. It really touched me as I don't think sparrows usually make an appearance in the pitch dark and the fact that it was a lowly little sparrow really made me think my mum was reaching out to me. She always had such a low opinion of herself yet of course she should not have...but she did. After my dad died we always felt he came to us on certain occasions in the form of a seagull and so to see this little sparrow just a few hours after my mum's death, really meant something to me. It was as if she was saying "Well Dad came to us as a seagull but an ordinary little house sparrow will do perfectly for me."

What if....?

“Even after centuries of human interacting, children still continue to rebel against their parents and siblings. Young marrieds look upon their in-laws and parents as obstacles to their independence and growth. Parents view their children as selfish ingrates. Husbands desert their wives and seek greener fields elsewhere. Wives form relationships with heroes of soap operas who vicariously bring excitement and romance into their empty lives. Workers often hate their bosses and co-workers and spend miserable hours with them, day after day. On a larger scale, management cannot relate with labour. Each accuses the other of unreasonable self-interests and narrow-mindedness. Religious groups often become entrapped, each in a provincial dogma resulting in hate and vindictiveness in the name of God. Nations battle blindly, under the shadow of the world annihilation, for the realization of their personal rights. Members of these groups blame rival groups for their continual sense of frustration, impotence, lack of progress and communication. We have obviously not learned much over the years. We have not paused long enough to consider the simple truth that we humans are not born with particular attitudinal sets regarding other persons, we are taught into them. We are the future generation's teachers. We are, therefore, the perpetrators of the confusion and alienation we abhor and which keeps us impotent in finding new alternatives. It is up to us to diligently discover new solutions and learn new patterns of relating, ways more conducive to growth, peace, hope and loving coexistence. Anything that is learned can be unlearned and relearned. In this process called change lies our real hope.”
― Leo Buscaglia, Loving Each Other

Inner world - outer world

I have been thinking about my inner and outer worlds a lot lately and have realised that I need to come out of my inner world a lot more than I do. I know it has gradually got worse over recent years, since I first got ill with cancer in 2002 in fact. Surviving cancer and then living with the knowledge that it can come back at any time brings its own difficulties. At first there is such inexplicable relief at getting through a surgery (or treatment) but then there is the need to come to terms with still being here but having to live with it. It's not easy and the guilt that you can feel for saying that when you haven't died adds to the weird feelings you are left with.

For me, I have always said that I aged 10 years overnight. Having cancer brings you face to face with death big time even when you survive. It can have a profound psychological effect on your outlook on life. Mainly it makes you so so grateful for continued life and the good side of that effect is that you appreciate every single day of life that follows. The tricky bit is "move away" from the shadow of death that hangs round you and never quite goes away. Looking back over the past 12 years, I can understand why I have retreated into my inner world and also how it has come about but for some reason since being in hospital at the start of this year, I have come to a point where I really am determined to live properly and instil into my silly brain that I am not 85 or 75 but 65 and hopefully still have many years of life to enjoy.

So over the next few weeks I am determined to take steps out of my inner world and into the outer world a lot more...little steps they may be at times, and I am sure there will be some steps backwards every now and then... but I am determined to do it.